Mic check one-two. Is this thing on? I’ve been away for what I can only describe as ‘soul searching’. I had a few questions to ask myself, one of which is how I want to continue doing this. Not ‘if’, but ‘how’. The answer to whether I will keep writing and researching for Quant (h)Edge is now and forever, yes. I write it mostly for me, not you guys, but somewhere along the way I had lost sight of what I wanted this to be about, and I needed to reconnect to that. More importantly, I needed to take care of some stuff in the background so I can keep doing this without ever relying on subscriptions. I once read a story of a woman who was trading before and after labor. It’s probably not healthy, but its similar to how obsessed I am with anything to do with this venture. So the hiatus hurt me quite deeply, but it had to be done for Quant (h)Edge to continue and to grow into what its meant to be. All that to say, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. I hope we are still friends.
I have a rather soft voice for a man. It's noticeable when I’m surrounded by other men, shooting the shit. That’s the one time I wish I sounded like Rambo. It’s also a semi-inappropriate voice for a 31-year old man. I sound kind of like Bill Gates. People often mistake me for a much younger person. I should probably smoke and drink whiskey straight to toughen it up, but I’m not that insecure about it. Besides, some people like it. Some girls have said my voice is ‘soothing’, whatever that means. Anyway, it’s therefore quite surprising that I’ve never had my manhood questioned, even by people who hate my guts. Never in my life have I heard the words ‘Man up!’, in any situation. But, even if I did hear those words, I wouldn’t know what to do. Maybe I’d stand up straighter and try to look more threatening. Its like when you are doing something that requires waiting, say in a queue, and someone tells you to ‘hurry up’. What are you supposed to do? Wait faster?
For a long time, I didn’t know what it meant to be a man. Men and women, specifically young men and young women, have very different views on what being a man means. Young men think its about strength, power and justice. That’s why young boys love superheroes—they represent the epitome of manliness in their young, naive minds. Young boys imagine themselves growing up to be strong and capable of damn near anything. They will run the fastest, jump the highest, date the most beautiful girls, and beat every other man in combat. Most importantly, they will beat the bad guys and save the day. Young women think being a man is about confidence, decisiveness and some ephemeral quality that can only be described as ‘swag’. They think being a man is about taking charge, and the more of these qualities you have, the more you become the leader of other men; the alpha male; the top dog. A lot of young women are fooled by confidence in a man, whether real or fake, in the same way a lot of young men are fooled by a beauty in a woman, real or contrived. Anyway, generally speaking, if a young woman tells you to ‘Man up!’, she means be more confident, or make a bold decision, but if a young man tells you to ‘Man up!’, he means toughen up and kick some ass. But neither of this have anything to do with what it really means to be a man, even though they are both within the ballpark.
Men are supposed to provide and protect. If you think about these two roles, you will notice that both of them involve taking away someone else’s pain, or preventing someone else from experiencing pain. Often times though, men have to stomach some, all, or even more pain themselves to make this happen. That right there is what it means to be a man. Maybe as a father you need to get a second job, or work longer hours, to provide for your family. That’s painful to some degree. It means missing out on important moments at home, getting less sleep, having more fatigue, and other bullshit. Or, God forbid, a guy breaks into your house and as the man, you have to take actual physical pain to take him down. There are many other scenarios in between these two extremes, but you get the idea. The dark side to this is that you are required to do it without complaining, and on top of any other responsibilities. You still have to be there for your wife and kids emotionally. If you don’t, none of the other stuff matters.
What is not often talked about is the emotional side of this. Because unfortunately, men are not machines. No one likes pain. Our whole MO as a species is to pursue pleasure and avoid pain. So there’s a place in your mind you have to go to, to prepare yourself for what’s coming. I haven’t done the research on this, but I’m willing to bet that this is why men’s bodies are built the way they are, and why testosterone is the main male hormone. I think it prepares the mind and body for pain. When someone says ‘Man up!’, what they are actually trying to say is go to that part of your conscience where you become more tolerant of pain and discomfort, so you can do what needs to be done. You also have to give up some things to get there. You have to put your personal feelings, ambitions, and aspirations aside. You have to give up that part of you that is still a little boy.
The truth is, most men don’t spend much time in that head space. It is always there, but you have to get yourself into gear. This is why women who ask ‘what are you thinking about?’ often get the response: ‘nothing’. Because as men, when there’s nothing going on, our minds wander off into all sorts of dumb thoughts that can only be described as ‘nothing’. Neither do you want to access this side of you full time. Again, haven’t done the research, but I am willing to bet that some cortisol and adrenalin is involved when you are in that state, which can become toxic if you stay that way for too long. You need to cool off at some point. You need to grab a beer and yell at a referee, live or on TV, until your cortisol levels are back to normal. Better yet, you need a wife, girlfriend, or life partner. You need someone to call home. Someone to go to with whom you can remove the mask and costume that your responsibilities require you to wear. You need someone who lets you become a little boy again, who lets you dream and be ambitious and aspire for stuff. Someone who takes you out of your world into another world where the most tragic thing to happen is that the barista got their coffee order wrong.
Being a man means being in many situations where you have to experience pain and discomfort for the sake of… your loved ones, the future, humanity, your country, I don’t know, but something bigger than you. I used to wonder why people kept pictures of their wife and kids in their offices, until I fell in love. One look at my girl’s photo reminds me why I do anything I do. The great thing about this is that its hardwired in you, so in a very profound way, you fulfill yourself when you take responsibilities. A lot of unhappy men would be a lot more happier if they took on more and more responsibility, not less. Nothing can ruin a man more than comfort. But this makes the idea of comfort seductive to a man. We dream of an are motivated by the idea of finally becoming wealthy so we can move somewhere warm and cool and next to the beach, even though we would probably be bored in a week if it ever happened. We are also attracted to women who look like they have never worked a day in their life. The ones that seem to exist only for fun. The more responsible you are as a man, the more attractive such women are to you. I’ve heard stories of men and women losing attraction to each other after moving in together. Chances are, for the man, his partner stops being an object of his fantasies after he sees her doing chores and other work, and for the woman, her partner stops appearing ‘manly’ to her due to many small, innocuous acts that are at odds with her idea of masculinity. They may still love each other, but they no longer make each others blood hot.
Even though a mans job is mainly to take on pain for the sake of others, the funny thing is that most women have a higher pain tolerance than men. I think that’s because, as I said, most men are not ‘being a man’ most of the time. I don’t know if you’ve seen that meme of the differences in reaction to the pain when a guy gets a flesh wound in battle versus a getting a cold. The reaction to the latter is more dramatic. That’s what I mean—in battle, you have to ‘Man up!’, but a cold catches you when you are just being regular you.
It took me a while to realize that taking financial risks is a very manly thing to do. I don’t mean ‘manly’ as in ‘only for men’, but as requiring strength and courage. I find that the courage and pain tolerance needed for investing and trading are not things many people have. Even men and women who are courageous and tough in other areas of their life struggle with this. You really have to cultivate that in you. You will often find that the best traders are people who have had to be tough and courageous in some way during their life, and then they bring that memory with them and cultivate the highly specific courage and toughness needed for financial risk-taking. The best traders were, in a previous life, sports people, wrestlers, entrepreneurs, veterans, actors (it takes some level of courage to be an actor), or some other thing that required courage and toughness. In other words, in the past they did something that involved the potential for pain and suffering.
You need courage to take financial risks when good opportunities arise, and you need toughness to manage the investment or trade. You can have the best ideas, and excellent risk management, but if you aren’t tough, you won’t be able to manage your trades well. You will cut profits too early out of fear, or move your stop losses to avoid pain, or some other dumb mistake, that will lead to poor results. A large part of good trading is making good decisions, which involves overcoming difficult emotions, biases, and thoughts, and trying to decide from a place of mental clarity. You have to overcome all the other bullshit. In other words, you have to stop being a pussy and man up!
The kind of market we’ve had for the past few weeks separates the wheat from the chaff, the boys from the men. If you haven’t been paying attention, the men are not the one’s who went out and took risks, they are the ones who maintained composure, and made good decisions.
enjoy your journey sir, don't feel pressured to post, but I have enjoyed your thoughts and findings. wasn't too interested in the weekly updates on markets etc (which must be time consuming)